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We need not be serious all the time, I suppose.
*****
Posted on Tue, Jan. 08, 2008
By DAVE BARRY
The voters of New Hampshire have made their decision, and the big winner is: Change. Here's the final vote tally:
Change -- 43 percent
Hope -- 28 percent
Hope For Change -- 17 percent
Hair -- 9 percent
Experience -- 2 percent
Dennis Kucinich -- 1 percent:
Now it's time for the politicians and the press to drop New Hampshire
like an ant-covered corn dog and sprint for the airport, leaving the
residents of The Granite State to spend the rest of the winter plucking
239 billion candidate signs out of their snowbanks, all the while
wondering if there ever really was a candidate named ''Mike Gravel,''
or if that was just teenagers playing a sign-planting prank. ...
Meanwhile there are many unanswered questions about the races in both
parties. On the Democratic side: Is Barack Obama for real? Or is he, as
sources inside the Hillary Clinton campaign have suggested, a hologram
formed by laser beams? Is the nation truly ready for a hologram
president? And speaking of Hillary Clinton: When her eyes appeared to
well up with tears during a campaign appearance at a New Hampshire
diner, was that real welling? Or did she fake the welling? If she did,
in fact, well, do we know for certain that those were her own personal
tears? Why was no sample made available to the media for testing?
Among
the unanswered questions on the Republican side are: Is John McCain, at
117, too old and cranky to be president? Like, during the White House
Easter Egg Roll, would he come outside in his bathrobe and yell, ''You
kids get off my lawn!'' Does Mitt Romney contain any human DNA
whatsoever? Does he, for example, burp? Can he emit bodily aromas? And
is there any TV show that Mike Huckabee will NOT appear on? Are we
going to see him one of these nights on Deal or No Deal? Why does
anybody, aside from Howie Mandel's immediate family, watch that show?
...
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